What’s in Carol’s New book – Eight Weeks to Collaborative Co-Parenting by Carol Delzer 

How to Benefit from This 8-Week Course

This course’s aim is to pass on the gift of a collaborative, committed co-parent relationship to you. In order to receive the benefits of this course, you need to do your part. Take the necessary time to read the book—one chapter a week—and do the Action Items each week which are listed at the end of each chapter.

This book can also be used in co-parenting groups, ideally led by a counselor or therapist.

If that is not available, find other people who want to be better co-parents and work through the book as a group.

During your journey you may be pleasantly surprised to find that there are additional benefits as well. At the end of the 8 weeks, you will be more than a better parent—you’ll also discover a more productive, peaceful, and happier you.

“Forget mistakes. Forget failure.  Forget everything except what you’re going to do now, and do it.  Today is your lucky day.”

~ Will Durant, American historian

Contents:

Week 1: Beginning Your Journey

  • The Importance of Collaborative Co-Parenting for Your Children…………………
  • The Course Agreement (Exercise)……………………………….
  • Collaborative Co-Parenting Course Agreement……………………………….
  • What Do You Want to Gain From This Course? (Exercise) ……………………………….
  • Creating a New Life……………………………….
  • Letting Go of the Past……………………………….
  • “Letting Go” Affirmations ……………………………….
  • The Nine Steps to Forgiveness……………………………….
  • What is Unique about My Child? (Exercise) ……………………………….
  • Understanding Children’s Emotions……………………………….
  • Tips on How to Respond to Your Children’s Feelings……………………………….
  • Voices of the Children……………………………….
    • Children on Parents Fighting……………………………….
    • Children on Feelings……………………………….
    • Children Confused by Divorce……………………………….
    • Children Feeling Caught in the Middle……………………………….
    • Children Unprepared……………………………….
    • Children Feeling Reassured……………………………….
  • Your Children (Exercise) ………………
  • Week 1 Review………………
  • Week 1 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 2: Building the Collaborative Co-Parenting Relationship

  • Transitioning from Marriage Partners to Parenting Partners……………………………….
  • Forming a Successful Parenting Partnership……………………………….
  • Talking to Children About Divorce……………………………….
  • Building Trust Between Co-Parents……………………………….
  • Children’s Need for Trust……………………………….
  • What Is a Mission Statement? ……………………………….
  • Mission Statement Sample #1……………………………….
  • Mission Statement Sample #2……………………………….
  • Writing a Mission Statement (Exercise) ……………………………….
  • Sample Action Words……………………………….
  • Sample “Standards” or Values to Incorporate……………………………….
  • Building Confidence in the Co-Parenting Partnership……………………………….
  • Business Coach Marlys Thompson Uses “Six C’s for an Effective Team” …………………
  • Collaborative Co-Parenting Guidelines……………………………….
  • Collaborative Co-Parenting Guidelines: Examples…………….
  • Weekly Updates……………………………….
  • Tips for Weekly Updates……………………………….
  • Collaborative Co-Parenting Meetings……………………………….
  • Requesting a Co-Parenting Meeting……………………………….
  • Even Horses Benefit from Cooperation……………………………….
  • When Issues Won’t Wait……………………………….
  • Emergency Calls……………………………….
  • Placing an Emergency Call……………………………….
  • Annual Meetings……………………………….
  • Setting an Agenda……………………………….
  • Holding the Meeting……………………………….
  • Guidelines for Holding Meetings……………………………….
  • Doing This for Your Children……………………………….
  • Your Co-Parent Relationship (Exercise)……………
  • Week 2 Review………………
  • Week 2 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 3: Resolving Conflict

  • Conflict in Divorce and Breakups……………………………….
  • How Divorce Affects Children……………………………….
  • Understanding the Creative Value in Conflict……………………………….
  • Resolving Conflict……………………………….
  • Tools for Communication……………………………….
    • Tool 1: Listen
      • Improve Your Listening Skills
    • Tool 2: Create Clear, Effective Messages
      • Using Observations, Thoughts, Feelings, and Requests to Express Yourself
    • Tool 3: Stand Up for Yourself
    • Tool 4: Keep Your Body Language Open
    • Tool 5: Choosing Your Words and Tone
  • How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons……………………………….
  • How Fear and Ego Push Our Buttons……………………………….
  • Choose Your Battles Carefully……………………………….
  • Flexibility……………………………….
  • Interest-Based Motives vs. Position-Based Motives……………………………….
  • Good-Faith Negotiations……………………………….
  • Three Key Things to Take into Negotiations……………………………….
  • Creating a Safe Environment for Negotiations……………………………….
  • Value the Ongoing Relationship……………………………….
  • Who Me? ……………………………….
  • Humor Can Be Hurtful……………………………….
  • Conflict Reflection (Exercise) ………
  • Week 3 Review………………
  • Week 3 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 4: Managing Emotions

  • Managing Emotions……………………………….
  • Exploring Emotions……………………………….
  • The Leaver Versus the Leavee……………………………….
  • Making Choices from Wisdom Instead of Fear……………………………….
  • Attracting What You Feel……………………………….
  • Tools for Managing Emotions……………………………….
  • Releasing Emotions through Movement……………………………….
  • Mindfulness and Meditation……………………………….
  • Eating Healthy Food……………………………….
  • A “Brain Healthy” Diet……………………………….
  • Counseling……………………………….
  • Understanding Fear……………………………….
  • How Fear Progresses……………………………….
  • Are You Operating from Fear or Wisdom? ……………………………….
  • How to Know When You’re Operating from Wisdom……………………………….
  • Fear vs. Wisdom (Exercise) ……………
  • Am I in This Alone? ……………………………….
  • Anger: A Fear-Based Emotion……………………………….
  • A Conversation with Anger……………………………….
  • The Physical Effects of Anger and Fear (Exercise) …………………
  • Depression……………………………….
  • Trying Times, Wisdom, and Your Children……………………………….
  • Goals……………………………….
  • It’s Important to Write Down Your Goals……………………
  • Create an Action Plan (Exercise) ……………………………….
  • Procrastination……………………………….
  • Be Willing to Change Direction……………………………….
  • Visualizing……………………………….
  • A Positive Co-Parent Visualization……………………………….
  • Week 4 Review………………
  • Week 4 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 5: Appreciating Differences

  • Knowing Yourself ……………………………….
  • The DISC Assessment……………………………….
  • Your DISC Assessment (Exercise) …………
  • What Did You Learn? (Exercise) …………
  • Appreciating Differences……………………………….
  • What Style Parent Are You? (Exercise) …………………………
  • The Extrovert and the Introvert……………………………….
  • Gender Differences……………………………….
  • Money Differences……………………………….
  • Religious Differences……………………………….
  • Respecting the Other Person’s Parenting Style……………………………….
  • Benefits of Different Co-Parenting Styles (Exercise) …………
  • Week 5 Review………………
  • Week 5 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 6: Parenting Tools

  • Twelve Positive Discipline Parenting Tools ……………………………….
    • Parenting Tool #1: Be Kind and Firm
    • Parenting Tool #2: Connection Before Correction
    • Parenting Tool #3: Limited Choices
    • Parenting Tool #4: Curiosity Questions
    • Parenting Tool #5: Redirection
    • Parenting Tool #6: Follow Through
    • Parenting Tool #7: Quality Time
    • Parenting Tool #8: Everyone in One Boat
    • Parenting Tool #9: Positive Time-Out
    • Parenting Tool #10: Family Meetings
    • Parenting Tool #11: Take Time for Training
    • Parenting Tool #12: Always Encourage
  • Single Parenting……………………………….
  • Balancing Single Parenting Work and Play ……………
  • Listening to Your Children ……………
  • Listening: A Story ……………
  • How to Listen to Your Children ……………
  • Shutting Down Communication ……………
  • Teamwork: Family Meetings ……………
  • How to Conduct Family Meetings ……………
  • The Benefits of Family Meetings ……………
  • Children and Money Management ……………
  • Children’s Basic Money Management Principles ……………
  • Personal Timeline (Exercise) ………
  • Week 6 Review………………
  • Week 6 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 7: Designing a Workable Parenting Plan

  • Children’s Ages, Needs, and Developmental Stages ……………
  • The Developmental Stages for Children……………
  • The Developmental Stages……………
    • Infancy: Birth to 18 Months
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Infants
    • Early Childhood: 18 Months to 3 Years
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Toddlers
    • Play Age: 3 to 5 Years
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Preschoolers
    • Early School Age: 6 to 9 Years
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Early School Age
    • Pre-teen: 10 to 12 Years
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Pre-teens
    • Early Adolescence: 13 to 15 Years
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Early Adolescence
    • Late Adolescence: 16 to 18 Years
    • Designing a Parent Plan for Late Adolescence
  • Siblings……………
  • A Change in Plans……………
  • Designing Workable Parent Agreements……………
  • Legal Custody/Physical Custody……………
  • Ideas for Parent Plans……………
  • How Do I Get Started? ……………
  • Sharing Time……………
  • Co-Parent Monthly Calendar……………
  • Holiday Schedule……………
  • Information Exchange and Access……………
  • Communication……………
  • Decisions about the Children……………
  • Conduct……………
  • School and Education……………
  • Your Parent Plan (Exercise) ……
  • Week 7 Review………………
  • Week 7 Action Items ……………………………….

 

Week 8: Special Challenges

  • Long-Distance Parenting……………
  • Technological Tools……………
  • Making Long-distance Parenting Work……………
  • The Obstacle in Our Work……………
  • Parallel Parenting……………
  • When Parents Cannot Communicate……………
  • What is Parallel Parenting? ……………
  • Communication Tips in Parallel Parenting Arrangements……………
  • Exposure to Secondhand Smoke……………
  • Where Can I Smoke? ……………
  • Drugs and Alcohol……………
  • What is Drug and Alcohol Abuse……………
  • How Addictions Affect Children……………
  • Common Beliefs in Families Experiencing Addiction……………
  • Violence……………
  • Types of Domestic Violence……………
  • How Domestic Violence Affects Children……………
  • Having a Safety Plan……………
  • New Significant Others……………
  • Handling Feelings of Insecurity……………
  • The Nirvana Mommas……………
  • Over assertive Stepparents……………
  • Your Family’s Special Challenges (Exercise) ……
  • Week 8 Review………………
  • Week 8 Action Items ……………………………….

 

You Can Do It!

  • What You Learned (Exercise) ……
  • Class Certification……………
  • Additional Resources……………
  • Forever Parenting Partners……………
  • You Can Do It! Action Items ……………………………….

          Available on Amazon: Collaborative CoParenting Book