Though no-fault divorce has definitely helped many couples avoid the nastiness of proving that one party has breached the marital contract, many of my clients have a difficult time coming to terms with the concept of “no-fault” in the breakdown of the marriage. “Of course, there was fault! If he hadn’t done X, Y, Z, we’d be fine!” “If only she had done X, Y, Z, we would still be together!” Something or someone had to be wrong for this breakup to happen.
Even when the divorcing spouses are not determined to place blame on the other, they still feel a natural impulse to question why and how it happened. As human beings, we’re wired for survival. When something happens that harms or hurts us, we instinctually try to figure it out so we can avoid that pain in the future. We’re not just curious—we’re almost driven to come up with a way to understand the situation.
And once we think we have it figured out, it feels equally important to tell others about it. To “get it off our chest.” To “tell our side of the story.” To “explain how it all happened.” To “have their day in court,” even if they settle outside of the courtroom. It is common to feel this strong need to explain why the marriage failed. Many of my clients can’t come to closure or complete their divorce without expressing what they feel is true about the situation.
In my experience, if a spouse needs to talk about the history of the marriage breakdown and isn’t given the chance to do so, the divorce process can become prolonged or adversarial. Because they haven’t had an opportunity to discuss why the marriage ended and their experience of what went wrong, frustration builds up. Unfortunately, they often use the divorce process itself to work through this frustration, creating unnecessary roadblocks, conflict delays, pain and lots of unnecessary attorney fees!
Please give mediation a try. It will allow you a place to avoid this unnecessary conflict and expense. There is No Retainer when you choose me as your divorce mediator. You pay as you go. Come for a consultation and avoid the unnecessary expensive of a prolonged family law court battle.