You Have a Choice.  Despite the fact that you have come to the point where your differences, whatever they are, are irreconcilable, you still have a lot of choice in what happens next. The choice to “live happily ever after” with your current spouse may not still be an option. However, you still have a myriad of choices that can reduce the stress of your divorce and create a positive foundation for your future and that of your children.

Initially, it may feel like the divorce process has a life of its own, that you are skidding down a slippery slope and you can’t find the brakes. You may feel powerless and out of control—but you aren’t.

There are many choices you have within the divorce process and how to manage these choices so they don’t manage and control you is the key. The decisions made during your divorce can be your choice.

You always have choice. Up to this point, you may have felt that life just happens and you have no control over it. But the opportunity to choose in every moment is as integral a part of life as is breathing. The truth is, even when you cannot control circumstances, you always have the choice of how you react to the people and situations in your life.

When life hits the fan, you always have the choice to learn and grow from it or become embittered by it. You always have the ability to choose whether you’ll make decisions from a calm, empowered place or an angry, hurt reactive place

No matter how brilliant or how self-destructive your choices may have been in the past, you can choose to do it differently going forward. Your history and the history of your marriage do not predetermine your future. Reflecting on choices you made in the past is helpful because you can learn from it, but it is not helpful if you use it to beat yourself up. Honestly? Most of us do the best we can at any point in time given who we are and what we know. Maybe your past decision-making was not perfect, but this is your opportunity to do it better to pave a path for an easier future for you and your children to enjoy.