The D word is not one you want to use in a marriage until and when you really mean it. Saying you want a “Divorce” is not something you say until you are ready.
To end a marriage is a big decision, worsened by that heart-sinking feeling of knowing you have to tell them. The actual thought of being the one in the marriage to end it is even more difficult than many understand and realize. Worsened by the fears of having to be the marriage partner breaking the news can make you feel anxious, even terrified.
Sometimes it seems easier to continue with a bad marriage than to ‘upset the applecart’.” But if you have given the marriage your all and it is not working for you it is ultimately not right for either of you.
The longer an unfulfilling marriage continues, the less chance it has of getting to a happier place. Marriage is like a relationship with a separate energy all of its own. When a marriage is energetically good it can endure a lot, like a healthy immune system. But when the marriage has an unhealthy immune system it takes very little to trigger anger, insults and frustration.
So before using the “D” word you need to measure the immune system of your marriage. These questions will help. If you anser No to over half of the questions your marriage is ready for a Divorce unless something changes:
- Do you still love your spouse?
- Do you feel loved by your spouse?
- Are the two of you still sexually intimate?
- Is your marriage good more than 50% of the time?
- Do you feel treated with respect by your spouse?
- Do you treat your spouse with respect?
- Is your marriage a true partnership – do you both have a sense of equality and input?
- Are you in counseling over the issues you argue about?
- Is the communication between you and your marriage partner good?
- Are you able to forgive your spouse for past transgressions?
- Is your spouse able to forgive you for past transgressions?
No matter what anyone else thinks, it’s your life, so you get to decide. You and your children will live with the consequences, not your friends, family or professionals. So you need to be ready if you decide to divorce. Take the time to reflect on the questions to be sure your ready before you use the “D” word.
When you are ready to use the “Divorce” word come see me for a free copy of my book “Divorce Done Easier.”